One of the things this pregnancy has brought out in me is an intense temper. I've been quick to snap and slow to cool off. I feel like I'm angry 90% of the time, 9% sad, and "normal" the remaining 1%. It's getting old to say the least. These feelings may largely be due to dealing with a very stubborn little 2 year old girl day in and day out. She is fully in the "I am not listening" phase, which drives me crazy. I hate having to repeat requests, especially when I know the person is not listening and has no intentions of doing so. So having my requests only heeded when I am "scary voice yelling" really irks me. Not only do I feel like a class A jerk, but it makes me get headaches and I'm sure doing not so wonderful things to my blood pressure.
Needless to say, I am fighting off a major case of self-loathing. Being off Wellbutrin is not helping matters. Neither is having to stop writing to vacuum up an almost entire container of silver decorating sugar off the floor after watching said 2 year old unceremoniously dump the contents on the kitchen floor. I'm severely deficient in alone time these days, which will only get worse once the new baby arrives.
This isn't to say I don't love this little girl. She really is the light of my life, but that other little gremlin that takes over is the polar opposite. I wish I had the patience to suffer through the trials with more grace, but I just don't. I spend half the day counting the minutes until the older kids come home and I can "escape" for a few minutes, if I haven't convinced the 2 yr old we should nap earlier in the afternoon. Today was not one of those days.
