Heat 1, me 0

So it's official. My workout streak ended today. It was about 85 degrees in the house at noon and I was sweating just sitting on the floor checking my email. I may try and do something tomorrow morning, but given the fact it is tomorrow, it's pretty doubtful. I figure, my body's working overtime to try and keep cool, so I'll skip putting into super stress since I still have to keep Noah fed.

Noah's now on stage 2 baby food. I'm excited for him to try new fruits and veggies and start throwing in some meats. I really want to start working on finger foods, but he tends to grab them and just hold them and not try to eat them. He also is pretty much crawling. While he doesn't have the arm/leg movements coordinated, he does move forward (and backward) and can purposely turn around. He also discovered a love for typing on the laptop, hence why I'm blogging at 1am instead of while he's nearby. He's also been eyeing my cell phone and the remote (it glows). Just like Em, total tech bug.

Em drew a beautiful circle today with her bath crayons. I'm really proud of her. I was drawing shapes for her this afternoon and I'm glad it's starting to stick. She was obsessed with me drawing octagons, but I have to say that her square, triangle & heart looked pretty much like circles gone awry. :o)

I'm debating on getting cloth training pants and just coercing Em into potty training. She can, she is just being stubborn. Of course, I'm also really inconsistent with making sure she tries often. I think I just don't want to have success one day and it be a fluke. We'll see. I have stashed away some pretty cool rewards for her, but need to figure out what the small treats will be when we start out.

I am also going to start searching for a nanny. I got a job lead today that looks promising, and is a longer term contract, so I definitely know the income will help (well, whatever is left after child care). I think it's time I started having more adult time and less be with the kids time. I love being at home with them, and love being a mom, but I'm taking them for granted and I think it will be good for them to be around someone else who won't be as lax with throwing schedules to the wind. I would love to put them in a good, structured daycare/early learning center type of environment, but I don't have $3,000 per month to just give away, not to mention, I'm sure the wait list is long. I also don't want to send the kids to different places.

Here's the catch. I know nothing about searching for a nanny. I don't know what questions to ask, what kind of hours/pay is reasonable, if I should ask them to do more than just watch the kids... You get the picture. Clueless mama here. I think I just assumed when the time came, they'd be in daycare or preschool. I mean, I fully think that Em will be in preschool sometime in the not too distant future anyway, but I think now would be the appropriate time for her to be placed on a wait list for when she's 3. I think the other part that is hard is searching for someone that we may or may not end up needing. I mean, we can't afford to have a nanny full time if I'm not working. Heck, we probably can't really afford one if I am, but we'll have to make due.

The other thing this job makes me think about is that I hope the market picks up soon and Kyle can find a job back up in this area. Mine would be about 25 minutes away, give or take, and in the opposite direction as his is. So relocating closer to his job becomes less practical as I would be stuck in terrible commuting traffic. I know I need to just sit back and pray about it all. God will line up everything to work as it should, I think I'm just nervous for the uncertainty. I have lost a lot of confidence in myself and my abilities. I actually sent the job description to Kyle to have him read and tell me if he thought I'd be a good fit. How sad is it that I don't know?!? It makes me sad to a degree to know that we need money to survive and that a salary paid in smiles, giggles and sloppy wet kisses and hugs just won't pay the bills.

In fact, now that I imagine not spending the day with both of the kids, I am brought to tears. I love those two SO much. I am sure that I'm going through the same insecurities and feelings that all working mothers have, well, at least the ones that work because they need to. I'm sure that statement will probably offend someone, but it isn't meant to. I mean, I did go back to work, for a month, but wanted to be at home with Em. She and I are super close, perhaps too close. She had a nightmare the other night that I was gone. I am afraid of how me going back to work will affect her now that she's old enough to realize there is a major change going on. We'll still have the week at camp together, but I wonder how she will handle it. I'm sure that eventually, she'll be fine with whomever cares for her. I think I'm more worried about how I will handle it. While her tantrums and whining drive me crazy, she is such a joy to be around. She's incredibly funny and so loving. She can sense when I'm having a rough day and will come and give me a giant hug, then try to make me laugh. She's so much like Kyle that way. Noah is just 100% chuckles. The only main reason he cries (aside from the normal baby reasons) is because he's frustrated he can't do something. And I know that it's not really him saying words and talking, but it sounds like he says, "mom" and "hi." It's only suspicious to me because he looks straight at me when he says mom.

Well, I think I've rambled on long enough. I'm starting to feel sleepy, so I need to get to bed before my 2nd or 3rd wind kicks in. It's going to be a long, hot day and I need at least a few hours of sleep. ;o)

Making daydreams a reality

I've spent a lot of time lately daydreaming. In those daydreams, I am fit, happy and on an early morning run. Many nights before I go to bed, I think about those daydreams and how I can make them a reality. However, when I wake up in the morning, I either roll back over and go back to sleep, or I am woken up by the kids. There are several opportunities for exercise throughout my day, but I rarely capitalize on them. I know that if I don't workout, I'll never get into shape, and I'll never be able to go running.


This isn't the first time I've tried to lose weight. However, it is the first time I'm doing so specifically for me and my health, not to get pregnant. I don't know if the reason I'm so reluctant to get with it is because I know it's a continual and forever process that won't end, whereas in the past, once there's a positive pregnancy test, all bets are off?


The first time I went through the weight loss process, I followed Weight Watchers and went from 161 lbs to 149 lbs. I gained it all back, plus about 4 more lbs. It did take me longer to gain it back than to lose it...the first time. The second time, I managed to get down to about 145 when I got pregnant with Emily. Gained all the weight back, but settled around 165 post pregnancy. I got back down to 158 when I found out I was pregnant with Noah, and gained the weight back again. Now I'm settled in around 165. With my height, I need to be closer to 115, so I have around 50 lbs to lose.


I have been hard pressed to find the motivation to take those daydreams and start acting on things to make them come true. I had started to workout during the kids' nap right before I got hit with mono. It's been almost 2 months since that happened. I think I finally have gotten over the guilt of letting my body rest and heal. I'm also about over the cold I had. YAY! I think a huge part of that is taking vitamin D. It helps boost the immune system, and my levels have been low for so long. So I often would daydream about my goal body and the life I want to live while the life I have is passing me by.

My point? Yes, I do have one. :o) I am finally taking a stand against my laziness, my depression, my excuses. I found a ton of fitness programs on Netflix streaming while looking for shows for Em. I was impressed with the selection and am currently going through one a day while the kids nap and blogging about it on my sparkpeople account. Yesterday, I chose to do a Jillian Michaels (Biggest Loser) workout - Biggest Winner! Shape Up Front. Um, there should have been a warning (other than that which I read in countless reviews) that if you are a beginner or out of shape, pick something else! I stuck to the workout, having to pause it once for nearly 5 minutes while I struggled to keep my lunch down and not faint in the bathroom. I also can honestly say I missed out on several reps of most of the exercises because of the break neck pace. I now understand how come Tara from Season 7 of the Biggest Loser was always throwing up. So I definitely give her kudos for just doing it and keeping on. I told myself that if I did get sick, I would try to be like Tara. As soon as the workout was over, I stripped off my socks & shoes before I passed out.

Today, after yesterday's overheating episode (it's been 80-85 degrees in our house the last two days and won't be any lower until next week at the earliest), I decided that yoga or pilates would be a better choice. I chose to do CRUNCH Candlelight Yoga. I did this for several reasons, the major being my mood as of late. I have been very high strung and increasingly irritated. It didn't help that Kyle found out on Friday that he had to work Saturday, then Saturday that he had to work today, nor did it help when he told me his coworker fell asleep 3 TIMES at work yesterday. The workout was extremely relaxing for me and I definitely could feel the fresh blood in my muscles. I think if I can keep up doing the yoga in this heat, that perhaps sometime I'll actually give hot yoga a try. Of course, given my propensity to overheat, maybe I shouldn't.

I am feeling hopeful that I will turn this into a good habit and once we get through this patch of heat, may be able to step it up with cardio and get rid of the baby weight x2, the college weight and whatever other weight I'm hanging on to. I know there is a long road ahead of me and that I won't see results overnight, nor will I reach my end goals anytime soon, but I think going into this process with my eyes open, I will succeed.

I simply need to remain consistent, make myself a priority, and stay accountable. I had planned to add some before pics, but our hard drive is offline right now, so I guess I will have to do it tomorrow. :)