A Date with Billy

Blanks that is. :o) I am about to get Em down for her nap, meaning it's about time to start my daily afternoon workout. Today I'm finally getting the guts up to do some Tae Bo. Specifically, it's the Tae Bo II: Get Ripped Advanced 1 workout that I will be doing. I think I'll be a puddle of goo after those 45 minutes, but it will be worth it.

I'm already starting to see results. Yes, that's right, after only 2 days of workouts and eating well, I said I'm seeing results. The main results are that I have more energy, my moods have been more stable, and my appetite isn't raging out of control. However, I do notice that when I left my leg, my extra skin & fat sag down and I can see the thinner legs that will soon be all that is left!

Alright, time to get Em to bed and sweat with Billy & his crew.

Thursdays are great!

Today was the first day of MOPs. I've heard a few girlfriends from one of my mommy boards raving about their MOPs groups, so I decided to join one locally. It meets in the Cascade Covenant Church, which is on our list of churches to visit. I do have to add that while we have a list, we haven't been doing any visiting. ;o) I know, bad!!! So if Kyle has the weekend off, we will probably go to a service.

I enjoyed the group of moms that were at my table. I think it's an awesome experience to share in their lives as well as to have a fantastic mentor mom who's been there, done that, and their grandkids are our kids' age. I kept waiting to see if my pager would go off saying Noah needed me, or if the runner would come tell me Em needed me, but nothing. I was able to sit, enjoy my breakfast, my 2 cups of coffee, great company, and a nice, relaxing couple of hours.

When I picked the kids up, Noah was doing pretty well still, but Em, was just bubbly, happy and very excited about "play school." (Kyle & I started calling it that so that she'd want to be like Caillou and go.) She was so good for me today. I couldn't believe it! I think we had one tiff before we left, and one before she had her nap, but otherwise, pretty fantastic for a 2 year old!

Unfortunately, we missed watching the Office & Fringe tonight because between Em telling us she had to go potty every 5 minutes (well, about 10 minutes after each previous attempt ended), getting Noah to bed, Kyle working...well, we just didn't get to it. At least we have the weekend to watch via DVR. Sadly, Kyle has to work a ton tomorrow night too. He's been working so much lately! I am just praying that he can get 2 days off this weekend! Seriously miffed that tomorrow is the 12th day in a row that he's at work. Normally I wouldn't be overly upset about it, except that 1) he's salaried, so he's essentially working for free, and 2) he's working pretty much 70% of the time he is home (and not asleep). I think this must have been how he felt when I was working at Expedia, but at least I was making bank in overtime pay! So if you think of it, please pray for a slight decrease in workload, or better yet, something that pays better and is closer to our current home. It would be awesome to have his commute cut by about half and not worry so much about how we'll make ends meet. I understand that we are growing in our faith exponentially, but it would be nice to have a breather every now and again.

In the scheme of things, I know this will just be a blip in our lives and we'll look back and marvel at how God helped us through this. There are many other tests and trials we could be facing with regard to building faith and relying on God as the only source of solace. I have several friends who have many more challenging situations they are working through at this very minute, so I don't even begin to claim this is the same, nor as difficult. It's simply a storm that will pass when God deems it time. Of course, this all goes back to my prayer for patience when I was about 13. I'm still extremely impatient 16 years later. ;o) I do notice I'm learning with each "growing opportunity" that there is a little bit more in the well each time.

Tomorrow I've decided that unless I'm super sore, I'll do Tae Bo. I'll save Jillian for another day. Besides, I also have my Walk Away the Pounds I could do (though I can't stand listening to Leslie Sansone talk), or heaven forbid the Carmen Electra workouts... It's sad, that even re-starting, I feel like the less intense workouts just don't do anything. Take for example, my workout today. It wasn't really super intense or that difficult, but I was dripping sweat pretty quickly into it. I'm definitely beginning to feel some stiffness in my muscles too, but it's the good pain. Well, all but in my lower back. That is definitely not fun. It's been stiff for a while, so hopefully doing some kick boxing will help get fresh blood in and loosen up the muscles.

Time to finish logging my water for the night and get some sleep.

Lightening up

So honestly, the title is a tongue in cheek reminder to not be so hard on myself while working on losing weight. :o)

I am really proud of how well I am doing tracking my food and know that paring down and eating better will be a slowly evolving habit. Plus, I was out this morning and there wasn't a ton of healthy options for breakfast. However, the point wasn't necessarily to eat low in calories, but to enjoy the company of other MOPs moms. ;o)

I went over my calorie range by around 500 calories yesterday, and today will probably still go over, but not by nearly as much. I have a plan in place to get through dinner. Instead of having the meaty pizza, I'm having one slice of Em's pineapple & olive pizza and a Boca burger instead. I have the mushroom mozzarella ones and they are awesome! I usually cut one up and put it on a salad with some italian dressing. In fact, I think I may just cut a slice of pizza in half instead of eating a whole one, since I did eat my salad around 4pm. That will help keep me under the max I think. :o) That is also including a small slice of apple pie. Love the moderation eating! (sorry that I'm updating my food tracker while I'm blogging!)

I also did get another workout in today. It was a slightly hectic morning this morning, and I knew I wouldn't get a workout in before going to MOPs. I was worried I wouldn't be alert enough to do one during Em's nap, but by God's grace, I had energy. I think that MOPs will be a HUGE boost to my morale and mood during the end of the week slump. So I tried a new Crunch workout (Thank you Netflix & Xbox 360 streaming!!!). This time, it was the Total Resculpt. It's split into lower & upper body. Let me tell you, my poor legs were hating me barely into it. My upper body wasn't all the bad, though my shoulders did get a tiny bit sore toward the end. Sad, I was only using 2-2.5 lbs weights. Just think of what will happen when I bring in my 3 & 5 lbs weights. I guess my lower body has been wasting away while the upper body is getting a workout from lifting/carrying a 20 lb little boy and a 29 lb little girl! Either way, I really enjoyed the instructor. He was so positive and encouraging!

Tomorrow is cardio. I have three options I am mulling over. Tae Bo, FIRM Cardio Dance, or Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. I think it will depend on how sore I am tomorrow. If I'm really sore, I'll do the dance, but I'd prefer to do one of the other two I think. I think I do have another cardio FIRM dvd, so maybe I will do that one. It's really tough though, with tons of plyometric jump stuff. I will probably put the step based FIRM stuff back into rotation once I drop back down into the low-150's.

Wow! I talk a lot! ;o) I'll post the MOPs stuff in a separate blog.

Back on track!

I am so proud of myself! I squeezed in a 45 minute dance workout while Em napped. I did have to stop for a few minutes while I answered a call from my MOPs group leader, but I had fun grooving and looking like a dork by myself. I'm having a tough time deciding what to do for dinner. I'm determined to not derail myself tonight. Granted, I do need to stay at the top of my range, if not a tiny bit over since I'm still feeding Noah, but definitely not as much as I had been eating.

I'm also starting to get nervous about the MOPs meeting tomorrow. It's like the first day of school type nervousness. My small group leader sounded nice on the phone, but it's so hard for me to make new friends. I'm also nervous about how the kids will do and if they will make friends. I think because they've never been in daycare, the feelings are magnified because I haven't really exposed them to this type of situation before. Wish all 3 of us luck!

I'm going to try and figure out what to do for dinner. That's going to probably drive me to the brink of insanity, as I am feeling insanely hungry right now. Oh well. I just need to tough it out! :o)

I flunk!

So, who hit the snooze button 6 times this morning? Oh, that would be me! And, to add insult to injury, as I laid in bed trying to will myself out of it, Em woke up. So my workout before computer is failed today.

On a positive note, I did remember to measure out my breakfast and will be logging in my sparkpeople account in just a minute. Just had to come do my daily confession! Time to move on and force myself to workout during the kids' nap.

Now to chug some water to get rid of these confounded hiccups! :)

Being contemplative

I've been thinking a lot lately. I seem to do that a lot, but I've been trying to pick my brain about life and figure out what is/isn't making me happy. I seem to be grouchy and tired quite frequently and I want to get to the root of the problem and solve it. There are the physical things - low vitamin D, mild hypothyroidism, mild PCOS - then there is the clinical depression and I think seasonal depression is also around the corner.

I have a hard time not beating myself up over this, that, or the other regarding my parenting. I feel like I set myself for disappointment because I have this "ideal" that is impossible to achieve. I know that Em & Noah are well cared for and loved, but I can't shake this feeling there is something I'm doing wrong. I know that all parents feel this way, but the difficulty is in letting go of the need to be perfect. I remember watching an episode of Super Nanny a few months ago where the mom had perfectionist tendencies and it really messed up her daughter. I don't want to do that. I want to let Em learn and make mistakes on her own. I know I used to get so angry with my mom for always hovering and always butting in and not letting me make mistakes. Of course, on the other side, was a parent that was always looking over my shoulder waiting for me to make a mistake. It's such a fine line developing a good sense of trust and avoiding gullibility or mistrust.

There is also the fact that I am turning 30 in less than 5 months. It hasn't really bothered me up to this point, but I always get disappointed with birthday letdown. I'm hoping that I can really just focus on the positives and set some good goals for 1, 5, & 10 years out. There is a weight loss goal to achieve, teaching Em & Noah manners and helping them build a foundation for a full and happy life. I'm sure there are a million other things I could put down, but for me, I think hand writing a list will be more effective.

So, with regard to the weight loss challenge I am taking part in. It is with my M&M's Motivated Moms group on sparkpeople.com. We have a different daily challenge, with weekly weigh ins on Wednesday morning, after Biggest Loser airs. We had our initial weigh in this morning, and I was 162.8. that puts me at 9 lbs down from the beginning of January and about 4-5 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight with Noah. From there, I still have an additional 13 lbs to reach pre-pregnancy weight with Emily. Then, to hit my goal weight of 115, I have 30 more lbs to go. So I think for now, I'll try and reach my total pre-pregnancy weight by the end of the challenge. You would think 13 lbs in at least 16 weeks wouldn't be so tough, but with two little ones around to disrupt workout plans, and my knack for ending up low on the totem pole of receiving (from myself) care, anything after that 13 lbs is gravy!

I think I was roughly around 169-171 when I went to the dr in June dealing with mono and stuff. I'm way overdue for my follow up, but without much improvement during most of the summer, I didn't want to go back with nothing positive to show for the time that had passed. Plus, I've been bad about remembering to take my meds and vitamin D throughout the months. I know I need to schedule it and get the blood work done, but I just feel so ashamed of how I've been eating. Donuts, cake, brownies, cookies, ice cream, chicken nuggets, french fries...yeah, definitely NOT good for my already high cholesterol & triglyceride levels. So, I will try and work really hard, schedule my follow up, go over my plans with the dr. and then go from there. I also need to get my cardio work up done, as I haven't done that either. It's just really hard to get away on a Thursday when I don't have a babysitter, I have MOPs in the mornings and Kyle's mom usually has something going on and can't come up to visit either. The dizzy spells have pretty much stopped. I think I've had about 10 in the last month, which is a major improvement from 80% of the time I got up while I had mono.

So my goal is to get up and workout first thing in the morning. I know it HAS to happen then, or I will make every excuse to skip it the rest of the day. Bad habits die hard. I am resolving to workout in the morning, no computer until after the workout is complete, and to track all of my food, including bites, licks and tastes of food. I will get to my goal weight, and I know as soon as I wean Noah, the weight will start coming off easier, but I will stop making excuses for why it hasn't happened. Those two little angels asleep upstairs deserve to have a mom that values herself and takes good care of her body and mind.

My goals for tomorrow:

1. Track my food intake - regardless if I stay within my calorie range.
2. Drink at least 80 oz of water, more is better.
3. Exercise first thing in the morning for at least 30 minutes, but 60 is better.
4. Be aware of bad habits creeping in - i.e. not drinking enough water, being lazy, not eating proper meals...
5. Return to blog again and post new goals for Thursday.

I'm fighting mad...at myself...

So I was realizing last night that I've been letting valuable weeks go by not working out. Truthfully, I started this post several days ago, but the kids have kept me busy and we gave potty training a try, so I've been distracted once again.

Today, I dug out a bunch of workout dvds and videos while looking for Anchorman for Jen. I plan to start making rotations of the workouts and getting to bed early and getting up early. I figure, I have 2 months until my girls weekend out in Vegas, so I should really get serious about getting in better shape. It doesn't really help all that much that I dug out old photos of myself and saw how thin I used to be. I thought I was fat at the time, but I'd love to be that size again. Granted, I was in the same size clothing right before I got pregnant with Emily, but somehow was about 30 lbs heavier. I can't even imagine what I will look like at my goal weight.

I have to figure out where to set up the little tv with the vcr so I can do my vhs workouts. Plus, then I can bring in my Disney tapes to let Em watch.

Kyle had to work all weekend, so I was down for a good chunk, but we had a great bbq yesterday with Jen & our friend Dan. It's funny that since we've moved, we've rarely had anyone over. We've had family over, obviously, but other than Sammy coming over for camp planning and I think Tim, we hadn't really had anyone visit. Granted, it's been a pretty crazy year and I am praying that 2010 is 100% better than this year.

I'm very excited that I got into the local MOPs group and start going next week. I am so desperate for adult contact. I think it's funny that I've gotten so shy about making new friends. I can only hope that Emily will make friends with the other kids and we'll start having play dates and I can start making other mommy friends. I'm sure Kyle would enjoy me having my crazy girl talk with women and having shopping friends rather than insisting he come with me. :o)

I am starting a challenge on my mom's board on sparkpeople.com. It's running concurrently with the Biggest Loser: Second Chances (Season 8) starting this Tuesday. So, I definitely need to start meal planning and measuring serving sizes and tracking calories again. I am giving myself 4 or 5 months and if I don't see results, I'm going to ask Kyle to let me rejoin Weight Watchers. I always had great success on the program, and I know it works, so it's my fall back if I really can't do it "on my own".

I will post my challenge start weight & stats and progress to keep myself honest. :o) Wish me luck and send some extra consistency my way.