Take a hike yak!

I have many dear lady friends that I met through babycenter.com what feels like eons ago (really, over the last 6.5 years) and one of the things we love to hate is the yak - aka morning sickness, etc.  Well, I am 15 weeks pregnant today and to celebrate, I threw up a few times.  Joy.  I haven't been sick in a few weeks, so I'm pretty annoyed.  I tell you, I was not prepared for the difference 4 years would make in the being pregnant department.

I start 17P injections (progesterone) sometime starting after next Wednesday.  So not looking forward to them, but hopefully they'll do the trick to get this little one to full term (36 wks at least).  I did do the math, however, and if I deliver in the same time frame as the other two, I have 19.5 weeks to go.  Wow, that doesn't sound very long.

I did a prenatal workout the other day and felt great, until I folded a bunch of laundry, then proceeded to end up all knotted in my upper back.  I've been meaning to do some yoga, but I haven't made the time or my body hasn't cooperated (see yak).  I mean, who wants to focus on yoga stretching and breathing when you're mostly trying not to be sick or to cope with a nasty headache?

It is amusing coming up on my 10th wedding anniversary on Friday to be pregnant with our 3rd child.  It will be 3 more weeks until we know the gender.  I'm finally getting to the point where I am impatient to know.  It doesn't matter to me if it is a boy or a girl, I'm just tired of the unknown.  I'd like to start calling the baby by it's name, refer to it as brother or sister and not "both" while talking to the kids.

I'm hoping that at some point I'll feel better and be less prone to whining and ranting.  I guess it's just hard when you feel like you're making progress only to back slide unexpectedly.  Besides, nausea & headaches are the discomforts I tolerate the least.  Coupled with sore back and not sleeping well, I'm just a cranky mess.  I'm just hopeful that I'll feel more like myself and not trapped in some alien body, being a spectator on  my life.

Mental Challenges

I started keeping a journal back in December and it was really helpful at being my venting board, but I stopped at the end of April when my morning (ALL DAY) sickness and massive fatigue took over.  It's been  6-7 weeks and wow, I am so tense, stressed and generally grumpy.  I know that a lot of it is dealing with my mom living with us and the adjustments that seem to be taking a long time to fall into place.

I honestly must have mentally blocked out much of my childhood.  It's been really hard trying to relate to a woman who, for all intents and purposes, is just *out there*.  I love her to death, but man.  She needs to focus on taking care of herself and not spoiling my kids all the time.

Case in point, she took the kids to Walmart yesterday and they came home with new toys (she was asked to not buy them any the last time they came home with new toys), Em got a pair of shoes that were 1.5 sizes too big (and completely unnecessary), and there was a bunch of random stuff purchased that we already had.  Maybe I'm making too big of a deal about it, but why is a 65 year old woman kowtowing to a 3.5 yr old and 5 yr old?!?  I am baffled at why she allows them so much power at such a young age.

There is so much inconsistency and lack of boundaries that have gotten introduced in the last 4 months that has seemingly thrown our household into a crazy spin.  Granted, me being so sick and stuff the last 2 months hasn't helped, but it frustrates me that my normally reasonable kids seem to act out so much now.  We'll see if things level out while she's gone for a while.

I'm hoping the break will do us all some good and we can get Noah back into undies and potty trained, my stress level back to a reasonable one and to get the parent/child relationship back in check.  I know that mentally I've been having a tough time engaging with the kids and my mom because I've been so frustrated and angry that I just want to sit in isolation a great deal of the time.  I am also hoping to start doing some more exercise as my nausea & headaches seem to be lessening *knock on wood*. :)

Changing directions

It's been quite a while since I last posted.  I was doing fairly well on my weight loss until early April, when I discovered I was once again pregnant.  Since then, I've been yo-yoing - depending on how much food I was keeping down, but I am still pretty close to my pre-pregnancy weight of 150.  My goal is to not gain more than 15 lbs - which will be tough, but hopefully I can find some energy and start working out again soon.  I've been beyond exhausted and other than completing my first 5K (Run like a Fool in Oly) on 4/1, I've done hardly a thing active.  I really miss the pulse-pounding, sweat-inducing workouts, but I know I'd never make it right now.

I took on the job of executive vice president/registrar for Noah's preschool, so I have my work cut out for me for at least the next year.  Thankfully I took it over from an awesome, organized woman!  It's just nice that we're at nearly full enrollment, so at least we're only looking for a few more kids to fill by September.

Anyway, it's nice that at 12 weeks, I'm still wearing my normal clothes for the most part.  Granted, most of my jeans aren't super comfy, but I'm still wearing 8s/10s and medium stretchy pants, no maternity clothes yet.  Of course, I haven't popped yet, at least not unless I've eaten a bunch. :)  I just have to keep from thinking that I'm getting fat while not religiously tracking my food and not working out like a fiend.  As long as I keep my mind frame in a healthy state, I should be able to focus on continuing healthy eating and moderate exercise and not gain too much.  As a frame of reference, I was 135 when I got pregnant with Em, gained 50 lbs, was about 150-155 when I got pregnant with Noah and gained 30-35 lbs.  So if I can gain a smaller amount and be about where I am now post birth, I will be VERY pleased!

Miss me?

Well, having no internet at home makes for a tough time trying to keep my blogs up to date. I have been diligently working on my weight loss, sometimes more than others. :)

I am currently down 39.2 lbs and 35.75 inches since I started. I have 29.4 lbs left to reach goal. Of course, Kyle and I are also thinking about our family and if we would like it to be larger. We agreed that it would be nice if we were blessed with another baby, so I'm still losing until I need to maintain. This seems oddly familiar to 6 years ago when I was in pretty much the same situation. LOL

I've been working closely with my ARNP to keep my depression (seasonal & clinical) in check and I must say this winter has been LOADS better than last year. I think it also helps that I've been working out more and that I adore running. :)

I'll try not to let 6 months go between blogs again, but I'm alive, I'm doing well and hopefully I'll either reach goal or have a reason to postpone it for a year. :)

Week 16 - Plateau land

Well, the inevitable happened - I had my first weight gain today. Granted, it was only 0.2 lbs, but it makes me a little sad that after 15 weeks of losses, it's my first weight speed bump. However, I did lose 4.5 inches in the last month. :)

So as it stands, in 16 weeks, I've lost 22.2 lbs and lost 25.75 inches. I've lost 9.5" off my waist, 5" off my hips, 5.25" off my thighs, 2" off my bust & 4" off my arms. I'm thrilled with how much I've shrunk, but I do have a long way to go. This is the part that I need to focus on. Yes, I've lost a lot, but I still have 48.2 lbs to lose to hit my goal. I'm only 1/3 of the way on my loss part of the journey.

I'm hoping that I've gotten the tail end of this cold gone and I can get really focused again. Granted, I have a move coming up in the next week and a half and I have to focus on packing and getting the apartment cleaned up while having my mom visit and getting preschool stuff ready for the kids. I'm determined not to let life get me down.

I am a runner!

So the inevitable has happened. I've become a runner. I may be a slow runner, but I am a runner, nevertheless. :) I've been running intervals over the last 4 months and today, I decided to try and run slower and longer and not necessarily faster. I slowed down to 5.0 mph and managed to run 15 mins straight. The longest before was about 8 mins, so I was stoked! After that, I ran 3:1 intervals for 3 sets, then dropped to 2:1 for a while, then 1:1 until I hit 37 mins total. It was tough, but do I think I pushed myself as hard as I could? Probably not. What?!? Well, if I'm being completely honest, I could have probably run longer than 15 mins, but I stopped and started intervals because that is what is comfortable. I also got blisters around 30 mins, so that also didn't help, but I did have to start speeding up some of the intervals because it was the only thing that would boost the endorphin levels to get me past the pain threshold.

Either way, I am proud of my progress. 4 months ago, I don't think I could even comprehend the patience it takes to run at least 37 mins in a run. I was tired just running 5 mins out of a 35 min treadmill session. I'm excited to see what happens when I can afford to replace my running shoes. Without those blisters and with better running performance, I bet I can really get moving! I was tempted to try for a 10K tonight, but decided to stop before I made hamburger out of my feet. ;) Oh, and when I'm on the treadmill, I probably spend only 1 entire minute hanging on to the treadmill - I'm a hands of runner. :) It feels good to hurt through my core from the effort to run.

I'm looking forward to getting more runs in and getting stronger and building a stronger cardiovascular system. I think once I can re-establish more whole-food eating with more fruits, veggies and whole grains, I'll definitely jump-start the weight loss again and be on my way to a tiny me. :)

Week 15 - Managing

I'm tired, frustrated and in high need of a kick-butt workout. I was down 0.8 lbs this week, despite hardly working out - had a 5 day break because of a cold. I ate quite a bit and felt generally quite blah. I've managed to step up the workouts by at least having them the last few days, but I am not in the game mentally.

Problem 1 - AF/TOM/the Crimson tide...whatever you call it, it's visiting after a 4.25 month absence (thank you Seasonale!). I'm feeling sluggish, tired, grumpy and unmotivated. Thankfully, I decided to wash my bedding or I'd most likely be in bed instead of in my workout clothes blogging. I need to get to my workout in a few minutes, but thought I'd post before I forgot about this week's post.

Problem 2 - The humid, gray weather. We've had some sun, but nothing that lasts very long and my SAD seems to be continuing on into the summer. UGH! It was beautiful yesterday afternoon when I went for a short trail run, and it was clear last night when I was stargazing through the sky light above our bed at 3:30 (Thanks Noah).

Problem 3 - The lingering cold. I'm still a little stuffy & runny nosed, but nothing compared to last week or the week before.

So hopefully as the week goes on, I'll feel a bit better and feel more motivated. I'm in a mental slump and just don't feel like food journaling and working out. I still do it, but it doesn't hold as much of the positive nature that it did before camp started. Granted, the slow-down in my weight loss is probably part of that - something that reigning in the stress eating and fattening, higher calorie stuff I've been eating more of would help out with. I'm just grateful I'm under 50 lbs left to goal weight. I've lost 22.4 of the 70.4 lbs I needed to lose. So 48 lbs left. I only have to do what I've done about 2 more times. That makes it seem more doable.

Well, enough talk, I better get to my workout!