*crickets*

Okay, so I managed to disappear from the blog for a while. I've been in a bit of a funk (courtesy of not taking meds over the weekend and other stuff) and just didn't feel like I had much to say. I've gotten two solid workouts in this week, but I've been dealing with equilibrium garbage that I think is a lovely result of my flu-ish thing from a while back.

I really need to make a plan for this weekend. This is always where I get derailed and I really need to stop it. If I can't get a good plan of action in now, how in the world will I do it while I'm also curbing the calorie-fest I'm having now. Don't worry, not too many calories all the time, but not really tracking/logging/journaling food right now.

I did have a great thing happen today. I went into the closet and pulled out a cute shirt I got a couple years ago that fit, except for in the arms. Well, I put it on today, and while a tiny bit snug, it fit fine and I wore it to MOPs. It shows that my body is shrinking, even from before being pregnant with Noah. YAY!!! I am even more confident now that I am doing this the correct way for me.

I realize that life happens and situations will throw off my schedule and I need to be able to work around it more than I have in the past. You'd think with two small children I would know that by now, but it's amazing how much I seemed to expect them to conform to what I wanted. Now that Noah & Em tend to take their afternoon naps at the same time, I can give myself a solid hour. Of course, yesterday, I let Em play on the laptop while I worked out. I think it's good to let her watch me sweat and grunt and really push myself - and NOT complain about it. It did give me a boost at the end when she told me I did a great job and was willing to sit and play on the computer (Thanks to my friend Jacob from HS for recommending babysmash.com) so I could shower. I think the rest of that train of thought belongs on the other blog.
LOL

Anyhow, I wrote to Anne, my MOPs mentor mom, and asked her to pray for me. These are the areas I mentioned:

• Peace & patience with Em
• Feelings of guilt surrounding my temper
• A cool head when dealing with the tantrums and Em pushing my buttons
• Dealing with issues from my past manifesting in my emotions

I've really been struggling the last month or so, with outburts of anger at Em. I feel horribly ashamed. This is the type of behavior that my father gave me that I swore I'd never repeat, yet here I am. The catch is that I also like to sit and stew on things as well - a trait from my mom. The main issue is that I seem to forget that Em is only 2.5 and that there are so many things she is still just learning. I guess since I spend so much time with her, I forget the obvious things. I want to stop the cycle of mean-ness and anger. I want to be loving and constructive with discipline. I haven't been able to reign it in lately and follow along the Love & Logic principles I fell in love with a while back. I suppose I really should look into taking the classes when Liann next offers them. I think they would be invaluable to me. I'm not sure if I can talk Kyle into going with me, but the $75 or $100 for the 4 week course would be so helpful. It's really important for me to be on the same page as him and work as a team, but so often, I feel like I'm floundering at home when he's at work. I'm tired a lot and it's so difficult keeping up with two mobile kids who aren't fully in control of their faculties (i.e potty trained, old enough to dress themselves unsupervised, able to operate the remote, prepare their own food). ;o)

So I'll have to see what he thinks. I definitely think I should go to these, even if I have to pay $40 for the kids to be watched for all 4 classes and go by myself on Friday afternoons. Plus, if I go Friday afternoons, I don't have to "graduate" from the classes on my 30th birthday. LOL

It's getting super late and I need to get some sleep. The time change has been royally messing with my sleep habits. Why it means I stay up even later is beyond me. I just know that my former 8:30 sleep in time being pushed back to 7-7:15 has been rough, since I haven't been in bed and asleep before 11:30 in over a week.

TGIF!!! I'm going to work on a game plan for the weekends and get it blogged so I can try harder to stick to it. Plus, then I have it where I can see it, tweak it and hopefully follow it and make it an additional part of my routine. Ideally, once spring arrives, I can modify it to mean family time outdoors being active. Hopefully that will work with a 1 yr old & a 3 yr old. ;o) I'm picturing family hikes. Perhaps my birthday present for #30 should be the parking pass for all the parks so if I want, I can take the kids on some hikes during the week. I'll have to get strong enough to wear the big backpack with Noah in it, plus carry stuff. Maybe I'll stick to things I can use the jogging stroller on. LOL